Picture a tropical paradise. Lush greenery, birds chirping (or squawking if you, too, think modern dinosaurs are super creepy), bugs humming, it's hot, and maybe there's an ocean nearby. Now, in your mind's eye, look down. Do you see rich, black soil that is dense and moist?

Ladies and gentlemen of the plant world, the naysayers would have you believe all Philodendron Pink Princesses are bad, but when you look at the evidence - the REAL evidence - you'll find that every single charge traces back to not their failure, but to our own failed expectations. PPPs, beautiful, dark and brooding, were the "IT" plant not so very long ago...

Conversationally with a plant person, I would absolutely NEVER tell you what's in that tub. The water looks like someone pulled a blue baby out of it, and we are not going to discuss why. I dropped a felt-tip pen in there. It looks blue now. Moving on.

Let me be upfront about something: there is no such thing as a bug-free greenhouse. Anyone telling you otherwise is either lying or has one plant on a windowsill and is calling it a collection.

Most people buy a $100 Thai Constellation and put it in $10 "All-Purpose" soil. That’s a recipe for root rot in Georgia’s humidity. Standard soil holds too much water. Aroids (Monsteras, Philos) need "breathable" feet.

So, I did a thing. I saw Monstera Albo cuttings on Etsy and thought... YES! The photos looked incredible, the seller had glowing reviews, and the "Add to Cart" finger took over. But almost immediately after hitting 'confirm,' the remorse set in.

Last Friday, I was out plant shopping like it was full on spring! 75 degrees, sun shining, birds chirping...and then, it changed. For the last two nights, we've had a fire in the fireplace, the gas furnace kicking on incessantly (GNG, you're killing me with the therm pricing this year), and we're putting on lotion like it's our JOB.

Blind panic sets in and I immediately start thinking about how in the world I'm going to quarantine this ONE plant (or has it spread already) when I only have JUST ENOUGH grow lights for everyone in the current setup. I definitely don't want this plant to wither away without enough light, but I also don't want every other plant to "catch" whatever it is this one has...