I did one of my "should probably be infamous by now" went to the store for birthday cards and came home with another plant. Obviously. And this one is...a little worse for wear.

The other night my SO noticed the grow lights were still on in the spare room after he went to bed. This is something I'd never noticed, being a Benjamin Franklin-style early-to-bed human. He, on the other hand, stays up and does whatever it is people do who stay up late in the living rooms of suburban houses. Watch things, presumably. Exist in the dark. Anywho. Nobody knocked over the grow light. Allegedly. This is a mystery in three parts.

Why is it my brain automagically pops to "let's plant something" every time the temp drops? I spent the January ice storm and subsequent snow storm re-potting every plant in the house, much to my SO's chagrin. I set up tables in the other half of the living room, flung Not Dirt everywhere, and had an absolute blast while he watched TV and the dogs looked on boredly.

Picture a tropical paradise. Lush greenery, birds chirping (or squawking if you, too, think modern dinosaurs are super creepy), bugs humming, it's hot, and maybe there's an ocean nearby. Now, in your mind's eye, look down. Do you see rich, black soil that is dense and moist?

The hype is everywhere, and I do mean EVERYWHERE. There are Burle Marx's Flames showing up on every plant site I visit. People raving over them, talking about fenestrations and height and plant maturity. Ooos and aaahs. Gag me with a spoon. I got one, because of course I did. I took it through the Soft Landing process all of my rescues go through, just to make sure it didn't have any bugs or whatnot. Can't be getting the fam-damly sick.

Most people buy a $100 Thai Constellation and put it in $10 "All-Purpose" soil. That’s a recipe for root rot in Georgia’s humidity. Standard soil holds too much water. Aroids (Monsteras, Philos) need "breathable" feet.

I’ve been buying house plants for years now, and as my collection has grown, so have my planting ‘supplies’. When I first got started, I didn’t know what sort of substrate would work best, so I did what a lot of people do – I bought a big bag of Miracle Gro soil and started repotting in it. Looking back, I must have gotten really lucky. It took me a while to start seeing gnats, and even when I did start seeing them, there weren’t that many. I controlled them with the usual su