The Socialite and the Survivalist: A Study in 6-Inch Pots
- Lynn Adkison
- Apr 3
- 4 min read
Both of these plants came from big box retailers - one from Home Depot and one I found on Facebook Marketplace, where I literally went to a “shop” an hour away in a weird business center strip mall that had office space in the front and a warehouse in the back and a nice man was selling imports of all sort, not just plants. When they got here, each one had mechanical damage - a hole in a leaf, a juvenile leaf broken completely off, scars, scratches and browning leaves. One of them has matured into the plant version of a Brick House, Commodores-style, 36”-24”-36”. The other is more like that one Southern Country Club lady who has everyone dress for Sunday brunch, even if they have guests over who don’t have the proper attire.
And yet, they’re very similar looking. “Ears” at the top - very pronounced lobes, sitting high and perky - that flow down into a slimmer waistline and then pooch out near the end in a way that anyone would immediately recognize as the “booty” of the leaf.
Let’s talk about them.
Philodendron Bette Waterbury
This girl is deep-colored, lush and making a mad attempt to grow out of the pot and into the jungle. She is the definition of “mighty-mighty, just letting it all hang out”. And honestly, I can respect that.
Given a questionably memorable 69686 assignment by Dr. Croat at the Missouri Botanical Gardens, this plant was name-named after Bette Waterbury, of course. If you don’t know who she was, Bette Waterbury the person was an avid rare plant collector, founding member and early president of the International Aroid Society (IAS).
Which, when you think about it, SHOULD make the P. Bette Waterbury the high maintenance one out of this pair, being named in honor of plant royalty and all, but I haven’t found that to be true.Instead, she’s growing like a champion, pushing out those thikk (IYKYK) mid-sectioned leaves just like a still-attractive but middle aged woman fighting down a bit of a tummy pooch that nobody cares about but her or like the gorgeous ladies that hail from its home country - Brazil - who seem to have curves in all the right places.
I’ve heard she’s a slow climber, and I guess compared to a Paraiso Verde or a Pink Princess even that’s true. She’s not pushing out a leaf every couple of weeks and also trying to jump up a bamboo stake. It is, however, a steady growth pattern, and conditions don’t have to be “just so” like they do with some other rare plants.
Comparing these two is like looking at a family reunion photo where one side of the tree went to Community College and the other went to finishing school. They share the same skeleton—those high, perky lobes that look like they’ve had a little help from a doc with a knife—but the way they carry their weight tells the whole story. While the Bette is filling out her 6-inch pot with the confidence of a woman who knows her worth, the Joepii is holding her breath, trying to fit into a mold that nature definitely didn't intend for anything in a Georgia spare room.
Philodendron Joepii
I once wrote about this looking like an alien, and I stand by that assessment. Only now, it’s a female alien masquerading as an Old South “it-doesn’t-matter-what-actually-happened-it-only-matters-what-people-THINK-happened” churchgoing, Country Club member. She’s stern. Unapproachable.
This plant doesn’t just THINK she’s better than you, she KNOWS she is. And her growth patterns prove it.
Despite being strikingly similar to the Bette Waterbury in leaf shape, the Joepii has that impractically over-skinny, WASP’ish waistline that you see in every corseted movie and some really terrible plastic surgery aftermaths. It’s almost impractical.
And the leaves, while having this pronounced dip in the center, aren’t thick. They’re actually pretty thin, which means they get scarred or bruised easily, they tear easily, and I am still in awe that this thing survived the truck and then the employees at Home Depot.
It’s put out one leaf since I got it, not tiny, but not as large as the ones it had back home at the nursery, where I’m imagining the humidity stayed at precisely 78.3% at all times, despite people going in and out and the lighting was a tad over shady but a tad under bright. Basically, tropically perfect.
A native of French Guiana, the Joepii is a naturally-occurring hybrid - meaning two plants cross pollinated in nature without some creepy guy/gal holding a paintbrush to them at JUSSSTTT the right time to collect and/or deposit pollen.
At the end of the day, they’re both shacking up here in the spare room, surviving the same humidity swings and the same questionable thermostat settings. One is a Brick House built on the legacy of plant royalty, and the other is a naturally-occurring freak of nature that thinks she’s incessantly at the Master’s.
I’m listing them this week for $95. Why? Because the Bette is worth it for the sheer, unbothered 'mighty-mighty' volume she brings to a room. And the Joepii? Well, she’s $95 because she’s rare, she’s weird, and frankly, she’s expensive to keep in character.
If you want the one who will actually like you back, buy the Bette. If you want the one who’s going to spend the next two years judging your choice of curtains and silently but sternly giving off “bless your heart” vibes, the Joepii is your jam.
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